MSINGI WA MAPENZI KATIKA MTAZAMO CHANYA!!!

NINI MAANA YA URAFIKI.

Kwa ufupi na kwa maneno rahisi; Urafiki ni uhusiano mzuri kati ya watu wawili au zaidi.

Kwa kufafanua zaidi, Urafiki ni uamuzi wa binafsi wa mtu, kuchagua uhusiano wa karibu na mtu mwingine kutokana na misimamo na haja za moyo wake. Urafiki ni kujitoa au kuji-commit (commitment) kwa mwengine au wengine kutokana na uamuzi wa binafsi wa moyoni mwa mtu huyo kulingana na misimamo, machaguo na haja za moyo wake katika maisha yake.

KWANINI TUNAHITAJI MARAFIKI?

1.  Kujaza hitaji la binadamu la kupendwa na kupenda. (Math 22:37-39)

Kila mtu ameumbwa na haja ya kupenda kutambulika na kuthaminika. Urafiki unatupa kujisikia kupendwa na kujaliwa na kutabulika. Usipokuwa na marafiki, utasikisikia kutothaminika.

2.  Kujaza hitaji la kibinadamu la kushirikiana, kusaidiana na kuchangamana. (Mhu 4:9-10)

Hakuna mtu ameumbwa kujitosheleza mwenyewe tu kwa mahitaji ya kimwili kiroho na kiakili. Hakuna mtu anayejua kila kitu wala hakuna mtu anayeweza kufanya kila kitu. Ndio maana Biblia inasema tunafahamu kwa sehemu tu (1Kor 13:9). Mtu huwezi kuishi kama kisiwa peke yake. Tumeumbwa na mapungufu ambayo yanaweza kujazwa na watu wengine.kwaababu hiyo, tunahitajiana. Urafiki unatupa kuchangamana na kushirikiana maisha yetu na wengine. Kuna wakati wa kila jambo chini ya jua. Maisha yamejaa nyakati za furaha na taabu pia. Marafiki wanatusaidia kuwa nasi nyakati zote.

3.  Kuweza kuwafahamu watu na kujifahamu mwenyewe.

Kuchangamana na watu katika urafiki na ushirika mbalimbali, kunatupa kuwafahamu watu wengine tabia zao, mienendo yao, fikra zao, maisha yao n.k. Kuwajua watu kunakuwezesha kujijua na wewe pia, kwamba moyo ukoje (haupendi mambo/vitu fgani na unapenda mambo gani)

4.  Kujifunza na kujiendeleza kitabia, kiakili na kiroho.

Ni marafiki wanaoweza kutusaidia kuwa watu wazuri zaidi kitabia kwa kutubadilisha mienendo isiyofaa. Ni marafiki wanaotufundisha maarifa na elimu mbaimbali. Pia ni marafiki wanaoweza kutusaidia kkua kiroho na kumjua Mungu zaidi.

5.      Kwa ajili ya kupata mwenzi wa maisha. (Mwa 2:8,18)

Kati ya watu tunaowafahamu na kukutana nao katika maisha ya kila siku, Mungu atakupa mwenzi wa maisha (mume au mke). Ni muhimu kufahamiana vizuri kabla ya kuingia katika nadhiri za kuoana, kwasababu maisha mazuri ya furaha na amani, huwafuata watu wanaoendana, wanaoelewana na wanaofanana. Urafiki unakupa kuwafahamu watu na kati ya hao, utakutana na mwenzi wako wa maisha.

AINA ZA MARAFIKI

1.         PEER FRIENDS  (Marafiki wa mbali) *Luke 6:14-17

Ni wale marafiki tunaokutana au kushirikiana nao mambo ya kawaida ya kila siku.

Mfano: Yesu na Makutano

2.         CASUAL FRIENDS  (Marafiki wa kawaida) *Luke 10:1,17-20 *Math 10:1-8,;

Ni wale tunaopenda kuwa nao katika vitu tunavyopenda kuvifanya. (Company)

Mfano; Yesu na Wanafunzi 70

3.                  CLOSE FRIENDS. (Marafiki wa karibu) Luka 6:14-16

Ni wale tunaopenda kuwashirikisha mambo yetu ya binafsi na kuwa nao katika matukio mbalimbali. Mfano: Yesu na Wanafunzi 12

4.                  VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. (Marafiki wa Karibu sana) Luk 8:50-51

Ni wale tunaowaamini sana hata kuwashirikisha siri na mambo yetu ya muhimu sana. Hawa ndio wale tunaowaita ‘best friends’; na huwa si wengi, wakizidi sana ni watatu, zaidi ya hapo, utaharibu mambo yako. *Mith 18:24 *Math 17:1-9 *

Mfano; Yesu na Wanafunzi 3

5.                  INTIMATE FRIENDS. (Marafiki wa moyoni) *Yoh 10:30 *Math 26:36-44

Ni yule mmoja na wapekee ambaye umempa moyo wako wote na maisha yako (mpenzi)

Aweza kuwa - Rafiki Mpenzi, Rafiki Mchumba au Rafiki Mwanandoa.

Mfano: Yesu na Baba (Mungu)

6.         MENTOR FRIENDS (Marafiki walezi) * Kut 24:12-18  *Kut 33:7-11

Ni wale marafiki waliotutangulia kwa umri au uzoefu au maarifa ya kimaisha na kiroho. Urafiki ulio katikati yenu ni wa kulea, kufunda, kufunza maarifa ya kimaisha na kiroho. (1Tim 1:2)

SIFA NA TABIA ZA MARAFIKI WAZURI

1.   Anakufahamu/Anakujua. (He/She knows you and knows about you.)

Ahafahamu majina yako, historia yako, ndugu zako, matakwa yako, mipango yako, nk.

            2.   Anapenda kuwa nawe (He/She loves your presence)

      Anapenda na anatafuta muda wa kukutana nawe (company).

3.   Anawasiliana nawe (Communicates)

            4.   Anakujali na Anakusaidia (Cares and gets concerned)

      5.   Anakuheshimu na kukuthamini (Respect and Honour)  

      6.   Anakuvumilia/Anachukuliana nawe (Patient and Barerence)

      7.   Anakuwa Mkweli na Mwaminifu (True and Faithful)

      8.   Anakurekebisha na Anakuonya (Corrects and Worns)

      9.   Anajitoa na ni Mtoaji kwako (Sacrifice and Giver)

          10.   Anakuamini na kukutegemea (Trust and Dependance)

AINA ZA UPENDO.

‘Kwahiyo nawasihi, mwenende kwa unyenyekevu wote, na   upole tena kwa uvumilivu, mkichukuliana kwa upendo’

                                    (Efe 4:2)

1.      UPENDO AGAPE - UPENDO WA MUNGU. (Godly Love)  Rum 5:8 Yoh 3:16

Agape ni aina ya upendo wa ki-Mungu, utendao kazi ndani ya mtu pasipo masharti yoyote au

Mfano; Upendo wa Msamaria mwema. (Luka 10:29-37)

Sifa kuu tatu (3) za Upendo wa ki-Mungu (Agape).

        i.            Hauangalii hali ya mtu ya nje.

      ii.            Hauna masharti yoyote ya kupenda.

    iii.            Hauna kipimo au kiwango cha kupenda.

    iv.            Hauna mwisho au kikomo cha kupenda.

2.      UPENDO PHILEO – UPENDO WA KIRAFIKI. (Friendship Love)

Phileo (Kiebrania) ni upendo wa kirafiki. Phileo ni upendo wenye sababu. Kwa Kiingereza wanaita ‘congitional love’. Ni upendo wenye sababu. Huu ndio upendo unaokuwepo kati ya marafiki. Yohana 14:21,23. Mithali 8:17

Mfano; Urafiki wa Jonathan na Daudi. (1Samweli 18:1-4)

  Urafiki wa Yesu,  Martha, Mariam na Lazaro. (Yohana 11:5, 35-36)

Sifa kuu tatu (3) za Upendo wa kirafiki (Phileo).

        i.            Unaangalii hali ya mtu ya nje.

      ii.            Una masharti yoyote ya kupenda.

    iii.            Una kiwango au kipimo cha kupenda.

    iv.            Una mwisho au kikomo cha kupenda.

3.                              UPENDO EROS – UPENDO WA KIMAPENZI AU MAHABA. (Romantic/Sexual  Love)

Eros ni upendo wa kimapenzi au kimahaba unaokuwa kati ya watu fulani kusababisha watu hao kuwa na uhusiano wa kimapenzi (mahaba) kati yao. Kwa utaratibu wa Mungu na jamii zilizo ‘sawa sawa’, Eros ni aina ya upendo unaotakiwa kuwa kati ya watu wenye uhusiano wa ki-ndoa, yaani mtu mke na mume au kati ya watu wanaoelekea katika uhusiano wa ki-ndoa wa mume na mke. (Waefeso 5:25;  Mhubiri 9:8-9; Wimbo Ulio Bora 7:1-10; Wimbo Ulio Bora 4:1-7)

Mfano;  - Upendo wa Yakobo kwa Raheli. *Mwanzo 29:16-20 (10-30)

-   Upendo wa Isaka kwa mkewe Rebecca. (Mwa 26:1-11)

  Sifa / Baadhi ya Dalili za Upendo Kimapenzi (mahaba) Eros.

1)      Mvuto kwa Haiba yake na kuchukuliana nayo. (Mwonekano na tabia).

2)      Kukaa mawazoni kwa mtu anayependa. (Kujaa moyoni)

3)      Shauku kubwa ya kuwa pamoja kila wakati. (Kuambatana)

4)      Heshima kubwa kwa mtu apendwae (Utii na Uaminifu)

5)      Kumjali na kumtanguliza mtu apendwae. (Kipaumbele)

6)      Zawadi na gharama kwa mtu apemdwae. (Kujitoa/Sacrifice)

7)      Furaha na Amani kutawala moyoni. (Kuridhika)

4.                              UPENDO STORGE – UPENDO WA KIFAMILIA. (Family Love)

Upendo storge ni upendo wa kifamilia, ni upendo unaotokana na damu moja ya undugu.

Mfano; Upendo wa Musa kwa Mwebrania mwenzake. (Kutoka 2:11-12)

 Upendo wa Baba kwa Mwana mpotevu. (Luka 15:11-32)

Upendo wa kindugu, storge  unafanana kwa sehemu na ule upendo wa ki-Mungu wa agape.

1. Hauangalii hali ya nje ya mtu.
2. Hauna masharti ya kupendwa.
3. Hauna kikomo au mwisho wa kupendwa.

Tofauti yake moja kubwa na upendo wa agape ni kwamba, upendo wa kindugu una kiwango au kipimo cho kupenda. Ndugu wanapendana lakini kwa viwango tofauti; upendo wao haulingani. Tofauti ningine kubwa ni kwamba, kwasababu huu upendo wa kindugu unatokana na binadamu, basi ni lazima hautakosa madhaifu mengi.

NAMNA YA KUPATA MWENZI MZURI WA MAISHA.

(HOW TO FIND/GET A GOOD MARRIAGE PARTNER)

*Mithali 19:14, 21

1.      Mweleze Mungu vizuri, zile haja za moyo wako. (Mwa 2:18)

Mungu anaheshimu sana haja za moo wako ambazo zitakupa wewe furaha ya maisha.

(Mathayo 7:7-11;  Wafilipi 4:6-7 ; Zab 145:17-18) Hii ni kwasababu, Mungu anaheshimu sana matakwa na mahitaji ya watoto wake, maana anapenda kuiona furaha ya watoto wake.

Isa 45:11 ; 1Kor 7:39; Yak :16,  Luk 18:1,  Kol 4:2.

2.      Mwombe Mungu akuonyeshe au akukutanishe na mwenzi wako. (*Yer 33:3)

Kumwomba Mungu kusababisha mazingira ambayo yatawakutanisha na mtatambuana baada ya kupata ufahamu wa Mungu kwamba ‘you belong together’ yaani mnaendana, mnafanana, mnafaana na hivyo mnaweza kuishi pamoja vizuri. Hiyo ndiyo maana halisi ya kufunuliwa au kuonyeshwa. Japo Mung5 anaweza kukupa maono katika ndoto au katika maombi, lakini si lazhma iwe hivyo. Si kila mtu anaweza kupata maono kuhusu mwenzi wake. Soma Efe 1:15-19, Jab 32:,  Isa 43:26,  Isa 45:11

3.      Tengeneza marafiki. (*Mith 18:24, Mith 17:17)

Watu wengi humwomba Mungu kwa uaminifu sana ili wapate mwenzi wa maisha. Lakini wanfanya makosa ya kujifungia katika kisiwa cha upekee. Ni ngumu sana kuOnekana na kujulikana tabia na utu wako wa ndani kama hudachangamana na jumuiya za ma2afiki. MunGu ndiye chanzo cha urafiki. Hat Yesu alikuwa na marafiki wa kiume na waki kike pia. (Yoh 11:5).  Jithidi kufanya marafiki mvalimbali ila mwombe Mungu akupe marafiki wazuri. Mk 5:25 – (30) – 34; inasema, wengi walimgUsa Yesu na kumsUkuma-sukuma, lakini ni mmoja tuambaye atakuwa na mguso wa tofauti katika moyo wako.

ISHARA ZA KUTAMBUA (UPENDO WA) PENZI LA KWELI.

1.      Mtu huyo atakamata umakini wako na atakuvutia (attention).

2.      Atajaa moyoni na mwazoni mwako kuliko kawaida na wengine.

3.      Utatamani sana uwepo wake wakati wote (kuwa naye).

4.      Utapenda kuwasiliana naye mara kwa mara (kama hamko wote).

5.      Utakuwa na moyo wa kumjali, wema, zawadi na kujitoa sana kwa ajili yake.

6.      Utakuwa na heshima ya juu sanA, adabu, uTii na uaminifu sana kwake.

7.      Utakuwa na maneno mazuri, maneno laini, na maneno ya upendo kwake.

8.      Utakuwa na moyo/uwezo wa kumvumilia au kuchukuliana naye vile alivyo.

9.      Utakuwa na hamu ya kumgusa au kumshika kwa upendo (si tamaa).

10.  Utakuwa na moyo na utayari wa kumlinda Na kumhifadhi.

11.  Uhusiano wenu utapendeza mbele za watu wengi (si lazima wote)

12.  Utakuwa na amani na furaha ya ajabu moyoni mwako/mwenu.

Mungu alisema kwa mkono wa Mtume Paulokuuelezea Upendo kwA namna hii;

1 Cor 13 : 4-8(a)

*          Upendo huvumilia/subira  (Love is patient)

*          Upendo hufadhil)/hufania wema (Love is kind)

*          Upendo hauna husuda (Love doesn’t Envy)

*          Upendo haujivuni (Love is not proud)

*          Upendo haukosi adabu (Love is not rude)

*          Upendo hauna ubinafsi (Love is not selfish)

*          Upendo hauna uchungu (Love is not easily angered)

*          Upendo hauhesabu mabaya (Love doesn’t count wrongs)

*          Upendo haufurahii uovu (Love doesn’t rejoice with evil)

*          Upendo hufurahia ukweli (Love rejoices in truth)

*          Upendo unalinda (love always protects)

*          Upendo huamini yote (Love always trusts)

*          Upendo hutumaini (Love always hopes)

*          Upendo hustahimili (Love always perseveres)

5.  Omba ushauri kwa watu wanaokujua/wanaomjua huyo umpendaye.

2Kor 13:1; Zab 73:24; Mith 15:22

Ushauri kutoka kwa watu werevu wanaomjua Mungu na wanaowajua ninyi wawili utakuhibitishia kwamba ulichsikia mooni juu ya huyo mtu ni sahihi. Mashauri ya watu yanaweza kukusaidia kufanya maamuzi magumu nay a muhimu.

(Math 18:16;   1Tim 5:19;   Ebr 10:28; Fil 4:6-7, Kol 3:15 na Isa 55:12

6.  Mwendee na Useme naye kwa hekima.   (*Wimbo 3:1-4)

Baada ya maombi na subira, Mungu akuongoze kusema naye kwa wakati utakaoongozwa na Mungu. Uwe jasiri na muwazi. Lakini usemi wako uwe wa kawaida (simple). Usichague maneno magumu wala misamiati wala mafumbo. Uwe wazi na wa kawaida.

7.    Thibitisha uhusiano wako/wenu (kiofisi).  (*Wimbo 3:4)

Baada ya kuongea na kulitafakari pamoja kwa muda mtakaoona unatosha au unafaa, ni muhimu sana sasa mpelekane mbele, katika mamlaka zenu za kifamilia na kikanisa. Uhusiano mzuri usiwe wa mafichoni. Tunaona huyu mpenzi katika kitabu cha Wimbo anasema, anataka kumtafuta mpenzi wake, amshike mkono, wapelekane kwa wazazi. Huo ndio utaratibu mzuri kibiblia. Familia na kanisa watawasaidia kufuata taratibu za kiutamaduni na kiroho ili mhalalishwe kuwa mume na mke. Ndipo ndugu na marafiki mtawashirikisha mipango yote ili kuandaa harusi na makazi. 

NINA AMINI UMEELEWA.....NA HUO NDIO UPENDO BORA(QUALITY LOVE)

HERE ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN "LOVE" AND "LUST"!!

As a psychiatrist, I've seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. The brain in this phase may be much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the area that "lights up" (becomes active) when an addict gets a fix of cocaine is the same area that "lights up" when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also, in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection -- you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be -- rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.
In my book "GUIDE TO INTUITIVE HEALING" I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy -- it often dissipates when the "real person" surfaces. It's the stage of wearing rose-colored glasses when he or she "can do no wrong." Being in love doesn't exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.
Signs of lust:

• You're totally focused on a person's looks and body.
• You're interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
• You'd rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
• You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
• You are lovers, but not friends.

Signs of love:

• You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
• You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
• You want to honestly listen to each other's feelings, make each other happy.
• He or she motivates you to be a better person.
• You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.

Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn't easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it's essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you're attracted to someone. This needn't pull the plug on passion, but it'll make you more aware so you don't go looking for trouble.
Four negative gut feelings about relationships:

1. A little voice in your gut says "danger" or "beware."
2. You have a sense of malaise, discomfort or feeling drained after you're together.
3. Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
4. You're uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you're afraid that if you mention it, you'll push him or her away.

Over the years, I've spoken at women's prisons and domestic violence centers. My talk, "How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence," focuses on showing women how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence. Many women who'd been in abusive relationships admitted, "My gut initially told me something was wrong -- but I ignored it." The pattern was consistent. They'd say, "I'd meet a man. At first he'd be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I'd write off the voice in my gut that said, 'You'd better watch out,' as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked." Some gut instincts though, are anything but subtle. On a first date, one woman landed in the hospital with an IV, retching from "psychosomatic" abdominal pain. But did that stop her from seeing the guy? No. From these women we gain a real-world lesson: no matter how irresistibly attractive someone appears, close attention to your gut will enable you to see beneath exteriors.
It's so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you're not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, "This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy." To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve.

ANY COMMENT/QUESTION!
Then write us via lacs.project@gmail.com
+255 713 88 3797

IT IS ALL ABOUT LOVE!!!

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart

You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens

Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again -- this is the brave and happy life 

Love is a special word, and I use it only when I mean it. You say the word too much and it becomes cheap 

DO YOU WHAT I MEAN UP TO THAT POINT???

FIND OUT THEN!!!